Size Does Matter

Size does matter, especially when you are choosing your ruck. What’s a ruck? Its military terms for the size and weight of your backpack when on a journey from point A to point B. When you’re new to an expedition often you pick the largest backpack, so you can fit the most items needed for comfort inside. As a rookie you learn very quickly you’ve packed to many objects for success. The backpack weighs you down mentally, physically and emotionally. Often never making it to the final destination. We don’t always need those comfort items. Learning to rely on what you have is the key. Maturity realizes that size does matter; and I’m not talking about a paycheck.

Speaking of ruck size, how about debt. That’s a backpack that can weigh you down deep don’t ya think. I share this with you because of the power God has in your ruck, not to brag. I share this because God has a plan, not Andrea having an agenda. I share our story because we are just average people having average people problems. In the last 17 months our family has went through a broken furnace, a broken water heater, a car repair and new tires, daycare expenses, a job loss and unemployment, taking a pay cut and many other struggles. There were nights I couldn’t sleep trying to control where our bills were coming from and what was leaving our account. Continually giving our uncertainties to God, and distinguishing when he was showing us favor, God allowed Coach and I to pay debt. Exactly $71,573 in debt in 17 months; and still plan a tropical vacation for 4--paid for this July. And just to put the icing on the cake, a small nest egg in the bank to build with. I can’t say we are debt free because our student loans and house will haunt us for quite a while—but gooooooo God! Way to lighten our ruck by showing us provision through all this tribulation. You are miraculous! I’m sure Satan is reading this saying, “I’ll show you.” I know whatever comes our way he will provide.

When God says it’s time for your ruck size to change, it happens. Not always in the way we plan, but it happens. This picture represents the past ruck in my trunk? (I could write for Dr. Seuss) Books on leadership, multiple framed awards, there’s my Vitamin D lamp and my coffee maker, and many other weights bogging down my backpack of life. Looking back, a little more mature, I realize that ruck was mentally, physically and emotionally strenuous. God knew. That ruck stole my passion, my time and my family. God moved me. Downsizing to a full-scale backpack, rather than a Big Mac Daddy bag, my field of view is more limited—yet I see so much more. My paycheck is less, but I have so much more. My passion is back, and I am leading more. Size does matter.

Today I sit on my porch, phone in the house, relaxing. I’m thinking about my ruck size with two kids and a coach in the Dominican Republic. Can we make it in two suitcases? By golly, yes, because size does matter and this vacation is about more fun and less ruck. This time away represents not just astounding tans but a new and improved ruck size in our life. I am letting the old ruck go. Unfortunately, there were people I love in that long-standing backpack. People I will always love. Rucks and bravery go hand in hand. We often have to make bold corrections in order to completely embrace the new journey. Sometimes those corrections involve mourning and tears. As we learn to walk with our new map we find our harmonious gate, movement how God intended us to be. Even though we have marks on our back from the weight of old ruck, and wounds that will probably never fully heal, the new lighter more instrumental ruck was well worth the wait. Oh yeah, and a promotion is right around the corner. Another reward from God and his favor. Size does matter. How big is your faith? Mine is God-sized...

Quiet Whispers

I hate it. Sometimes it sneaks up on you out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s a song. Sometimes it’s a text. Sometimes it’s a commercial. Oh yeah, and its graduation time; that does it to me too. And sometimes your mind just goes there.... What do I hate? Tears.

Today, as I was driving in my car I heard a song that reminded me of my last five years. First, I started to sing with a smile. Next, quiet. Then I felt the anger inside my belly. And now my lip began to quiver. Dang it. I hate to cry. I feel like it shows I’m weak. But in actuality it’s a symbol of how much I care. We are still only 90 days out, and I still care. And---it sucks.

On a sunnier side, I do love my new job. I asked my mentor about six months ago, “How will I know when I have found my place?” His answer was simple. “Andrea. You will know. Your heart will whisper it to you.” Did you hear anything about tears in that phrase? Uh, no!?! Six week into this new role I drove home from work and BOOM---it hit me. I got all choked up at the stop light right in front of Dairy Queen. And--—they can see you in your car from the line. Where are my Hollywood sunglasses when I need them? Oh, that’s right. Justice sat on them. I had a moment, waiting on the light to turn green, and he was right! My heart told me things I’ve needed to hear for two years. The second thing it whispered was—you need a Blizzard—but I kept going. Phew…

I dusted off my clubs on a MONDAY to play in a golf outing. Holy smokes. One, I’m golfing. Two, it’s a workday. With the way I played I should have bought a lotto ticket. Pretty sure the Golden Eagles would have been proud. Felt like wearing my Letterman jacket to the after party dinner, buuuutttt I would have been a tad bit over dressed. Ha. Just kidding. That was my cocky husband talking. I was honestly super proud to not have embarrassed myself. I enjoyed the entire afternoon golfing with my favorite partner, my dad. Yep—that chokes me up right there. Some of my best memories in life are with my dad on the golf course. Yet another place, my heart whispers, is the right place to be… Justice met me in the garage when I got home. “Where’s your trophy?” Justice, I told you it was for fun. “Mom, I expected more, maybe next time. Now come upstairs and tell me where you lost shots.” Yep, that’s a coach’s kid for ya. Always wanting to get better and, of course, WIN!

Lastly, Justice had me mail a letter this week to Rory Mcilroy. One of the best golfers on tour right now. Seems like a great role model too. I took a peak at the letter before I licked the envelop. Because that’s what moms do, right. Justice says, “Dear Rory, I know you can win the Masters. I believe in you. Keep your head up. I am your biggest fan. Don’t let a bad round stop you from winning the next. Will you write me back? P.S. You better watch out, I’m practicing every day to beat you! Your friend, Justice” Talk about getting a life lesson from a nine year old. And again, in the quiet of my red Camry on Pearl Street while placing the stamp on the white envelop, I sobbed. I heard my heart whispering again. I must be doing something right….

Tristy---Does this kid look mean or what?

My Sweet Lil Blakley Jean--Wuv This Snuggle!

The Brave Ones

Coach and I are like kids at Christmas tonight. No, tomorrow is not a tropical vacation awaiting our arrival or a chance to win millions of dollars. Friday is LEADERCAST DAY! For those of you who don’t know what that is, let me explain…

Tomorrow a live web cast is broadcast

to 800 locations of a prominent leadership conference hosted in Atlanta. The Macomb location is hosted at The Crossing. The speaker line up is always amazing. I have went the last three years. I have laughed. I have cried. I have been moved beyond words and reflected deep within my aspiration. Every year I walk away saying that was exactly what I needed to fill my soul. This year I talked my soulmate into taking a personal day to fill his cup too. Let me just say, that cup will be a big gulp my friends. My pen is ready. My learning hat is on. I am ready to experience another astonishing line up of speakers. On a side bar, I have talked 5 other people into joining my posse for the cause; being a deepened leader. One of my favorite sayings is, “you don’t have to be THE leader, to be a leader.” You might have taken the leader out of my last job, but the leader is blazing on fire with passion today. I thank them for that fuel ignited to my inner groundbreaker. Your loss is my gain.

Speaking of gain, when I accepted my new position I was somewhat hesitant because I was an office of one. No one to lead. God has me scratching my head. Six weeks into my role I am leading more people than I have ever imagined and have had the opportunity to sit with folks I never dreamed of. Again, proving my point of you don’t have to be THE leader to be a leader.

The topic at Leadercast tomorrow is “The Brave Ones.” I’ll second that motion of being a leader requires bravery. How about David. Do you think it required some inside courageousness to stand before Goliath the Giant? Now Moses leading the people standing before the Red Sea. Yep, again fearlessness. What about Daniel spending the night in the Lion’s Den? I have to say that would require some real valiant. Do you think God equips his children, during times of need, to be brave? I’ve thought about this question often; especially lately. The world wants us to lean on material things to feel brave. Maybe that’s a big $60,000 SUV to hide behind the steering wheel of life or a black power suit faking the hand shake of business. God arms his people with the gift of bravery though prayer. When we acknowledge our fear of the situation to him, he honors us by offering a peace. Now I didn't say whine, I said acknowledge we are powerless without his harmony.

Peace like a river. I’ve got peace like a river… Did you sing that in Sunday School? Think about that. A large fluid body of water flowing into a deeper channel. We have peace like a river and he is our waterway. Feeding into him flows all our terrifying moments right down the current. Next time you feel the need for bravery, grab your life jacket and just float down the river of peace. They don’t call it a lazy river for nothing. I want to float down mine with a Cherry Coke...

Stirring The Paint

“Let’s go Cam!” As we headed out the door to run a few errands I noticed Cameron had paint all over the sleeve of his jacket. Immediately that voice of my mother blasted into my head, “You can’t leave the house looking like that!” I nudged Cameron back into the house to change his jacket. He was clearly annoyed. “No one cares mom!”

The response in my head was very culture driven. We wouldn’t want anyone to think you might not be perfect, right? Ugh, ridiculous. I put way too much pressure on myself to look like I’ve got it all under control. I refuse to fake it anymore. Let this be my public service announcement—I, Andrea, am honestly a mess. I am self-conscious. I worry my messy house is a reflection of me. I am not patient, ever, which makes me question my role as mother. I dislike the indecisive. I eat when no one is looking. I love to be alone. I over think everything; which brings me back to paint on Cameron’s sleeve..….

Society has driven us to second guess ourselves which in turns creates a gigantic catastrophe. We want our Facebook’s to look like the Cleavers but in reality it’s mega dysfunctional. The neighbor’s lawn looks like Better Homes and Gardens but inside the house is World War III. Lastly those big family gatherings, yep, behind the fake smiles people are hurt, tangled and holding a grudge. I could go on forever. Sound familiar?


What’s the silver lining? We don’t serve society. If you serve society you will never be satisfied. You will never find your joy. God wants all of us. Even the ugliest part with the paint on our jacket. On a side bar, I’ve got some really foul things on my heart that make paint look like child’s play. I can say this because we are in a safe place. God sees the blemishes from heaven; yet still wants to give us unconditional love and forgiveness. Look at Eve. Eve made the mother of all mistakes. She transformed everything with that bite of the apple. (Yes ladies, we have Eve to thank for the lovely agonizing experience of childbirth, even in 2015) Did God forsake Eve? Did God walk away and talk to Adams about what a colossal mistake she made and who does she think she is? No, he actually blessed her as the story reads. Blessed her, the mother of all blemishes and all.

With the pressure of today’s world it’s not easy to heave away the counterfeit reality show lifestyle and trade it for God’s example of all-inclusive forgiveness. When we give our heart to God he doesn’t care if your kid is a screw up, you have $10 in your bank account or you’re a little over weight. He paid for all of you, paint on your sleeve too. The hard part, we as humans adopting the same love and care to others. We judge. We gossip. We talk about so and so who just walked in with THAT outfit on. Next time your mind pushes that inner diva to be perfect, fight it. It can be liberating to just be yourself. You could unshackle someone else by taking off the mask of perfectionism and just be who God made you. No more secrets. No more talking in riddles about your difficulties. Discontinue the reality show and start talking to people about your true reality. Transparency builds relationships. Imitation keeps you from a true blessing from God. I write this blog to be translucent. To be vulnerable to the world. To encourage you to undress the inner princess and wear a crown of authenticity. If you justly offer your story as sacrifice there just might be a real crown waiting for you in heaven.

Finding My Joy; Trust Requires Unanswered Questions

FEBRUARY 17, 2015

Boy, God must think I am one strong gal after the last few weeks. There something about standing up for your beliefs, and paying the consequences, that truly make you lean on the Lord. I have been racking my earthly mind for weeks now trying to understand. Boom it hit me, exactly two weeks after the ambush. God is God, and we aren’t supposed to understand. We are supposed to trust him to plan our direction. When we pray a prayer, he already has the date set for the answer. Sometimes it’s speedy, and sometimes its months, but the date is set in stone. He is supernaturally making a path, not for us to understand, but for us to trust. Trust is very difficult for a controlling and urgent kinda gal like yours truly. God says, “Andrea run your race, and continue to follow me. I won’t let you down. Remember Andrea, I—I-- will direct your path, not you.” Having true trust in God requires his followers to have unanswered questions in life. Why, you ask? He wants us to find true joy in him. Not controlling the outcome of situations.

I’ll tell you my testimony in all this turmoil. Twenty-four short hours before my life changed, I cried out in my office. No, like really cried out. Hands in the air. Tears going down my face. “God, I need to find my joy! Help me find my joy. I’m lost.” I spent the next few hours looking through books trying to find a certain passage to help “control” the outcome. Fast forward, 24 hours later, prayer answered. Not really the way I wanted to control that situation, but prayer answered.

Now fourteen days into my search for joy, I’m starting to find it. God is teaching me to thank him for the conditions that are requiring me to slow down. He says, “Andrea, do not spoil these quiet hours with me by waiting impatiently to be active again. Some of my greatest works have been in prison cells. Although you feel cut off from the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in the spiritual realm.” Quiet trust is right. As for my request of joy—I think God has a plan for that too. It’s called a renewed spirit. Time has a way of giving you back what a destructive lifestyle took away. Cheers to finding my joy…



FEBRUARY 19, 2015

Why? My kids ask why all the time. Because I said so. (Insert angry face)

Have you ever thought about how many times you’ve ask God why? Look at Moses and the Israelites. What was supposed to take eleven days of a walk took forty years. Dig into the story, the Israelites complained about everything to God. Food, shelter, water, you name it, they asked why? I have to think just like we as Christians, looking for hope in troubled times, wonder why? As for myself I think I’ve been asking the wrong question. Our God is not the author of confusion, he is the author of peace. When we try to serve God with our mind, we ask questions. When we serve God with our heart, we find incredible peace and hope. Note to self, serve God with my heart, not my mind. Lesson learned.


I was reading a passage last week that truly hit home. I was bringing all my worries over and over to God. Crying out, sometimes in anger and sometimes in despair. I couldn’t sleep. Every second was consumed with worry. Probably asking a lot of why’s. Yea, shocker. I guess I’m human. Perfect example of serving God with our mind, guilty as charged. By changing our approach and thanking him in advance for blessing and showing us favor--is serving God with our heart. Did you hear that—shift your paradigm? Not only do we serve with our heart, but it creates a peace inside. That peace that passes all understanding. Did you hear that, peace! When you are thanking him for that right person put in your path—or thanking him for posting that perfect job right when you needed it---or thanking him for just getting you through the day without more tears, its calming. It’s like speaking motivation right from the lips of angels into our hearts. Do you remember in Genesis when God commanded Abraham to leave? Leave his family. Leave his home and everything he knew. Abraham had no idea what the plan was. Abraham went, and did not worry. Did you hear that? He didn’t ask why, he went without worry.

I am embracing today that my path is spiritually designed. I don’t need to understand the why. I need to stop thinking with my mind and just trust in my heart. I hear that voice in my heart saying, “Andrea, do not be afraid. I have plans for you much bigger than your heart imagined. Now trust me. Rest. You have not truly rested in years. Give me all your pain. Give me all your worries and trust me. Now go to sleep.” Ya know what, I slept last night deeper and more refreshed than I have in months. God’s promises. Stop asking why…Yet another testimony. I am going to take all my turmoil and overcome evil with God. Peace out--literally.



FEBRUARY 21, 2015

Dismissed, two fold. I’ve shared before how God has everything in our life already dated and set. It was only three short years ago, almost to the date--Coach was let go unfairly. Three years later the pain is not as deep, but the scar will always be there. The shoe is now on the other foot, this time it’s a high heel. Let’s just say virtuous beliefs got me in the same place. It’s painful. It’s horrific. It’s like a death. It’s embarrassing because people ponder the why. When Coach went through that time I felt helpless. Not many people can understand truly how it feels to give 100% every day to be wronged by someone’s big ego. Revenge you ask? I already thought about going down that road. Even paid a big time city lawyer to give me some kick butt advice. In the end, I decided I had no energy left and I would let God seek vengeance. Money was not worth what the legal system can do to one’s body. Believe me. I spend over a year and a half in court with a loon. It can suck the life right out of you; head all the way to your baby toe.


Coach is watching me go through every stage of grief, sometimes hourly. No one can understand the tears, the stress, the anger, the hurt and the pain like he can. Somehow I think God made us for each other. He gets me. He just listens and knows nothing he can say will make it feel better. I am so tired of “relax” and “enjoy your time”. Whatever. I come from a long line of unrelaxed people. It’s my chemical makeup.
Right now I’m a prisoner in my own time. I only have two things on my mind during the day, talking to God and getting a spray tan. Both actually are very therapeutic. If I can’t talk to God in Cancun right now, I might as well look like I’m in Cancun. On that note…I’m off to the beach to pray.



FEBRUARY 22, 2015

Thought of the day on rumors. Pick and choose your battles. Travel light. Forgive people. Warriors are champions because they only pick battles worth fighting. The deep meaning of this is like fast food maturity. It’s hard. Suck it up. Go through the drive through, place your order to ignore into the speaker, and grab your bag of no nonsense; drive way. It’s take easy. What you tell yourself becomes you. I am a champion. I only pick battles worth fighting.


FEBRUARY 25, 2015

Not feeling inspired today…



FEBRUARY 26, 2015

Just like Noah spent forty days and forty nights inside the ark, I have spent twenty-three days and nights sitting in my favorite green chair situated in my living room. I have only looked at snow, not rain and floods. Its easy to get sick of the same four walls and the people inside when your emotions are like a hurricane. Poor Noah, can you imagine how dirty and smelly that boat must have been? The most stressful scene in my stent has been Leo, our outside cat, being in heat. Wowzer, that cat gets around. Just think, if I was not sitting in my green chair I might have missed it.

Speaking of might have missed, every day I get to hug, hold, love, feed, snuggle and smile at my little niece. Nothing helps repair a broken heart more than a baby. My morning routine has been very non-Andrea Keene like. I have not laid out the boys clothes the night before. I have not found shoes and stuffed backpacks. I have not packed a lunch the night before. I have not said once, “We gotta hurry up!” I even had a dance party with Cameron after Justice walked out the door. Seriously, that’s like a falling star moment. I don’t do dance parties, especially in the morning but Uptown Funk was on and we just let the music move us. And boy, I must say, my five year old has the dance moves and swagger like his dad. Almost reminded me of The Pace fifteen years ago. Whoa, I’m old. Back to my thoughts. We have ran errands before drop off and strolled in late. No rules. After I kiss Cameron good-bye and bid him a “be a leader” I head to the east side of town. My car knows how to go east, but it turns where it normally goes straight. Snuggles all the way around in Hartman-ville. Tristan is a ball of fire in the morning and Blakely is always ready for a hug. Not a care in the world. Go ahead, take your time is my motto. Again, very un-Keenelike. House messy, who cares?

Time. That’s what I have time. So what have I been doing? Interviews and research. Interviews and research. Oh yeah, I did hit the movies. Talk about having the entire theatre to yourself. Go to a movie at 10:30 on a Tuesday, no one. Candy, popcorn and soda—I call that lunch! No rules, remember? I guess there are unwritten rules when you are in these circumstances. Reaching all stages of grief is one. Sorry Coach Keene, it’s been a roller coaster too. True reflection is two. Like the quiet reflection where you sit in silence, in the green chair, thinking for hours. And three is pick yourself up and realize it’s not how others view you; it’s how you view yourself! Twenty-three days and I’m there. I did nothing wrong. It was just time for a change. I knew that on the inside, but the way it went down was un-humanistic. I always tried to treat people, good or bad, the way I would want to be treated. I gave corrective action with a life lesson and a termination with an inspirational speech to move on and do better in life. In the words of Taylor Swift, “it’s gonna be forever, or go down in flames.” Attention shoppers, aisle four, we need an extinguisher! Day twenty-four, I’m heading to the grocery store.


MARCH 2, 2015

Don’t consider your circumstances, consider your God. I am still waiting, and not super patiently on the Lord. I have almost read the entire Bible in the last 30 days. I was actually impressed how fascinating it was. I don’t mean that in a sacrilegious way. It went by really fast. Well, when you can’t sleep at 3am and there is ice on your dish what else ya gonna do? Read. I enjoyed the stories and some of the scripture really made sense to me in applying to my circumstances. Hummm, don’t consider your circumstances, consider your God. Makes total sense to me…


MARCH 4, 2015

I was looking through Cameron’s journal he draws in everyday at school. The whole way to school, almost daily, he is worrying about what he’s going to draw. I mean face frown and genuinely upset about what he will draw. I always tell him, “you will know exactly what to draw when its time! Trust yourself Cam!” Anyhoo, I was looking through his February journal. There’s Justice and him exchanging valentines. There’s daddy smiling. A few ninja turtles. The cats outside make the journal playing in the snow. And then theirs mom…..I am paying the water bill. I think it’s fair to say I am the “voice of reality” parent in our house. Note to self; got to work on being more fun. Think I’ll google that. Fun’s been lost for a very long time.



MARCH 5, 2015

I’m fighting back. Not literally, emotionally. Wake up and go get it! The noon phone calls from Coach have slowly faded and my smile is beginning to return. One month, two days. On a side bar, I call the noon check-in my “suicide watch” call. Coach WAS the one who found me laying on my driveway, face down crying out. When coaches leave positions you have a press conference. When business people leave positions, people just wonder. I, Andrea, blog.

Psalm 23 is my favorite. It has special meaning to me for many reasons. I’ll share one. When Justice was much younger, we read a children’s version of Bible stories at night. This one was Justice’s favorite. He used to say, “Mommy, read me the Justice version.” He was too little to comprehend what exactly the Lord was telling us in Psalm 23, so I made him a three year old version. It goes something like this…

The Lord is my helper and he gives Justice everything he needs.
He gives him a soft bed at night so he can rest with the angels.
He leads Justice to good places and refreshes his soul.
He helps Justice through the day, and when he is scared, never worry Justice!
I am right there beside you; holding my hand.
Justice—put your arms around me and feel my love.
Surely my goodness and love will be with Justice all your days.
And someday, Justice, you will live in heaven forever.
Amen!

Last night before we turned out the light Justice says, “Mom, do me the Justice version of that one prayer.” It’s been awhile, I was impressed he remembered. So I did, and Cameron says, “Now—do me!” Sometimes we forget to personalize God’s promises. When we personalize a promise, straight from God, it’s like a hand written letter just for us. My advice, personalize it. Everyone likes to get mail, especially from heaven.



MARCH 16, 2015

All my life I have thought of bible characters as super heroes. Special people that God gave this magical life. These people knew which path to choose and where to cast their net. In my reading today, I think of Moses. God asked Moses to do a lot of things based on faith not sight. Moses led his people from Pharaoh. Moses was a man, just like you and me. Can you imagine the heartache when he finally brought this people to the Red Sea? So close to freedom. Moses knew Pharaoh’s army was close behind. I can just see Moses sitting on a rock looking at the water wondering, “God, why have you brought me this far to a lifeless end. We will surely be killed.”

Sitting in my green chair I can empathize with Moses. “Now what God? I’ve followed your hand and here I sit. Overwhelmed with confusion.” Wonder how long it took God to part that sea? A few hours? An overnight stay on the beach with 400,000 people waiting for direction? Minutes must have felt like hours and hours felt like days. When we try to control the outcome, we sit at a road block. When we turn the road block over to the creator; mountains move and waters part.

Moses did not know the plan, he just followed. He was faithful till then end. Moses was just like you and me. A mortal. A worrier. A leader. My Red Sea parted today. No longer do I sit on the rock trying to control my outcome. He has chosen my outcome. I trust, just as the last of Moses people crossed the sea, the waters swallowed up the evil. Of course, we will always have evil in our world; I plan to overcome evil with my God. A God that chooses ordinary leaders, like Moses, and puts them in extraordinary circumstances to lead. My heart is full. My testimony is great. Encourage others is the only answer. Cheers to new beginnings; My joy has returned. My smile is glowing. I will never be the same, in Jesus name.