Inside Out

Begin with the end in mind. Or at least that is what Stephen Covey preaches. Tonight I am reflecting about me. Yes, just me. No Coach. No kids. I am only two short weeks away from my one year anniversary. One year you ask? One year ago November 1st I told myself I needed a change. A healthy change. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth and started working with a trainer. (the poor lady, had no idea what a head case I would be) This road has been full of flat tires, detours, crashes, and more bumps in the road than this girl could have imagined. Although the road has been filled with problems, somewhere along each stop of the journey I started to heal. The first six months I trained for a 5K that I ran with my sister. Ashley got this crazy idea. We would honor my Grandma, who passed away from ALS, by running a race in her honor. Over 6,000 runners suited up for this U of I event. I vividly remember a cold night in December running all of 30 seconds in my most honest voice asking, "How will I ever do this?" Well, six months later I did. Ashley and I wore a special broach on our shirt from my Grandma's jewelry box. I recited in my head the entire 3.2 miles, don’t forget the .2, I can do all things through Christ that strengths me. I know she was with us as we crossed the finish line. I pointed at that moment to heaven when we crossed together hand in hand. What an awesome feeling. After the race, phase two was put into action. At this point the trainer became a life coach. (I told you she didnt know what she signed up for) March till June was pretty rough in Keeneville. I needed that lady to beat the sweat out of me a couple nights a week because I was so close to a breakdown. The workout helped me keep my sanity, not to mention kick my butt. During the summer I spoke at Navy Pier at a conference on leadership. I had the opportunity to fly to Dallas and develop myself deeper. It was still me, but the outside was starting to change. On the brink of 12 months I have now ran a 5K, lost 13 3/4 inches, lost 4 sizes, has lowered my resting heart rate by more than 20 beats, and have changed the way I look at food forever. The day in 2011 I gave myself permission to leave my kids a few hours a week to work on myself was a gift. We as mother put ourselves last. Anyone can do this if Andrea Keene is succeeding. You must be willing to take out your personal map and set up the journey. Yes, begin with the end in mind. I remember saying I want my outside to match my inside. That is my end in mind. Just like as a college golfer I could visually see my ball landing on the green, I can see myself another year from now. I still have a very long way to go, very long. I need to remind myself how very far I have come. I love leading people. I cant wait to stand on a big stage someday and convey that passion I have inside of me. The best part, my outside will then match my inside. Begin with the end in mind. How do you see your end and what are you doing to get there?

Third Day Is The Charm...

Well, day three he made it! Better yet, I made it too. He was alittle weak, but he made it. I am so proud of him. Even though he is three and we still let him use a pappy. He is a school boy. A BIG school boy now. Before we left the house today I drew a heart on his hand. He drew one on mine. I told him everytime he got sad to look at his heart and remember school would be over soon and Grams would pick him up. He laughed. He thought it was funny I let him draw on me. Whatever it takes...Anyhoo. I am sure next week will be another adventure. (pre-k only 3 days a week) I am just proud we made it to friday. BIG exhale.....

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Oh Cam...

I just don’t get it. Justice was the exact same way. First day of school, great. Second day of school, not so much. Ugh. I just feel sick after Cameron’s episode today. He was strong until I said good-bye. This kid latched on to my shirt and screamed for a good 30 mins. Yeppers, I was in the full on ugly cry. On a side bar I have now cried in front of both my kids’ teachers. Oh Joy. I could hear his ear-piercing scream as I left the school with a wad of toilet paper in my hand. What a great feeling. Sarcasm, anyone? I had a mega meltdown on my way to work. And at work. And in my office. And in the bathroom. Nothing like feeling like you were busted in the heart. I second guess myself constantly in motherhood. I don’t know if it’s guilty working mother syndrome. Or many other un-blog appropriate thoughts. I appreciate the random mother who said, “You are a good mom, hang in there” with a hug as I walked out of school. I AM a good mom. I don’t care if no one ever tells me. I am telling myself! Take that. I will be my own positive voice. I am doing my best. Sure I screw up, but I am doing my best. I guess I will try this again tomorrow. I hope it gets better or I am going to need more mascara sooner than later. Justice cried for 8 weeks, oh Lord, give me strength.

Cameron Takes Pre-K

Today was Cameron's first day of pre-school. He was so brave. Walked right into the class like he owned it. No tears when I said good-bye. I loved it! I am still keeping make-up stashes in my car with Justice, but not little brother. He kept saying this morning, "hurry up, hurry up. Did I do my homework?" It was hilarious. He was being silly all the way to the front door. He even posed before we walked out for a few pictures. Very proud of my little man today. Big day in motherhood. Two backpacks to set out at night now. Two sets of clothes and shoes for the morning. Time is going fast. Too fast. Almost scary.