Sunday, October 30, 2011
Headlights
I had the opportunity this weekend to hear author and motivational speaker Mark Sasscer. What an awesome experience. Talk about challenging you in every role of your life. His main focus was being in the moment. I mean eye ball to eye ball moment, not making your mental grocery list and facebooking at a stop light while you take your child to school, IN THE MOMENT. Two exercises hit the entire room of top executives pretty hard. One was finding three people you work with in the room. Sitting face to face, eye to eye. While being truly in the moment with a paper and pen ready asking, "what can I do to be a better partner to you?" The second one was finding as many people you work with in the room in ten minutes. Again, while truly in the moment telling that person why you appreciate them. Seems pretty simple. Many relationships were mended, I saw tears and laughter. Seems pretty simple, but why as leaders, mothers, friends, spouses, siblings, coworkers and so on dont we do this more often. Two simple questions brought out feelings and healings beyond a corporate room of leaders. It was special.
So being the outside of the box thinker I am decided to bring this little moment of spiritual awaking home. As we were sitting around the kitchen table I asked each Keene while eating their potato soup, "What can I do to be a better mommy to you Justice?" He thought for a few minutes. His answer, "Serve crackers with our soup." Well, one down two to go. I asked Cameron, "What can I do to be a better mommy to you?" Cameron looks at me with a frowny face and says, "yet, not yet." That means in Cameron language he does not want to participate. As for Coach Keene, "I asked him what I can do to be a better partner to you?" His reply, "I know you have had a 2 1/2 hour drive to make your massive list for me, so I need some time to think." Just then Justice spilled his soup and the moment was over. Postponed due to a rain delay, cloudy with a chance of potatoes....
On the last weekend before basketball starts Coach Keene checks all his boxes. Alone time with each boy and alone time with Mrs. Coach Keene. Coach and I went to see Mighty Macs. Yeah, shocker a basketball movie. Hey ladies, I take what I can get! :) Anyhoo on our ride back home after our fun filled afternoon Coach Keene breaks out his answer to my dinner table question of "what can I do to be a better partner for you?" I started bracing myself when he had songs strategically downloaded on his ipod to go with each request. Since this is a G-rated blog, some requests will be censored. The big request was simple. "Be a headlight all season, including late nights, long practices, wins and losses, missed holiday events, missed dinners and quiet Saturday mornings alone. Don't let the season bust out your light. I get it, its tough. But your tough and don't end up halfway through the season with one headlight busted out or both for that matter. We are in this together." And fading in the background was the song....One Headlight.....Corny, but effective I must say.
I guess this is the part where I should share my suggestion to Coach Keene on my idea how he could be a better partner. No, I did not make a list for the record. I only have one. Be more appreciative of the little things. Keene's are very hard to impress, therefore its harder for us to pay a compliment. Ask a player in an Illini West jersey or an employee at my job...We need to compliment more. Basketball season makes every simple task seem that much harder. I asked for "kudos" and "great jobs" for just the normal everyday tasks. An appreciated spouse offsets that spiral into bitterness. We shook on both and promised to keep the pact all season.
Embarking on Season Nine. Ready or not. We have learned many lessons on this basketball journey. Some of those lessons tough, but again, we are stronger for it. Many people have passed through our lives leaving marks that no one will ever replace. What will orange and blue do for our family this year? I will promise you one thing, we have our brights on this year...and we won't dim them, no matter who you are when we pass! Brace yourself--wear shades.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Mirror Mirror on the Wall...
Learning to lead yourself is one of the most important things you will ever do as a leader. Leading yourself means that you hold yourself to a higher standard of accountability than others do.
The "Mirror Principle"--The first person we must examine ourselves. If we don't look at ourselves realistically, you will never understand where your personal difficulties are coming from. I will be honest, sometimes when I look in the mirror the image is often hard to take. I have developed as a leader over the last 15 years and I can see different images, at different times, on my journey in leadership.
Most people use two different sets of criteria for judging themselves and judging others. We tend to judge others according to their actions. A great example of this is the virtual world of facebook we live in. Actions on facebook rarely give people life consequences. Often a post can truly hurt real feelings not to mention break up marriages. It's very cut-and-dried. However, we judge ourselves by our intentions. Even if we do the wrong thing, we let ourselves off the hook if we believe our intentions are good. That's part of the reason we allow ourselves to make the same mistakes over and over again before we are willing to make real changes.
Here are a few keys to follow...
1. Learn Followership--learn to obey. Only a leader who has followed well knows how to lead others.
2. Develop Self-Discipline--It's said one day, that Frederick the Great of Prussia was walking on the outskirts of Berlin when he encountered an old man walking down the street in the opposite direction.
"Who are you?" Frederick asked the old man.
"I am a king", replied the old man.
"A king!" laughed Frederick. "Over what kingdom do you reign?"
"Over myself," was the proud man's reply.
Each of us is a monarch over our own lives. We are responsible for ruling out actions and decisions.
3. Practice Patience
Leadership isn't to cross the finish the finish line first; it's to take people across the finish line with you.
In which of the 3 preceding areas--followership, self-discipline, or patience--do you most need to grow? What new tasks or practice could you take on to develop in that area? Give yourself a concrete goal and a deadline.
4. Seek Accountability
Accountability isn't just the willingness to explain your actions to others. It begins ling before we act. It starts with seeking and accepting advice from others.
Leading yourself means that you hold yourself to a higher standard of accountability than others do. Leadership is a trust, not a right. For that reason, you must "fix" yourself earlier than others may be required to.Thomas Watson--"Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself." What leaders do day-to-day always pays off in the long run. Success or failure isn't an event, but a process.
Just like this mirror is reflecting the light of a chandelier, I only hope my light shines brightly as a leader. As for facebook, Mirror mirror on the wall, is your post the greatest one of all? Don't judge others actions without judging your own intentions....
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